I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
