even my farts smell like vagina
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
