Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
