i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Randomize
