If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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