They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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