We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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