The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Just fell off a train. Bad.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
