Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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