Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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