Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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