suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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