my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
