i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
