Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
