you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
