eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
