I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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