WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
