420 ftw
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
