Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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