I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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