i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
