READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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