Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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