She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize