i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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