i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
