i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
