You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
