so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
