someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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