Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
