Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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