Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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