I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
