she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I have fence marks all over my body
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
