Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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