In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
