Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
