chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
