I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
