Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
