Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
sex in a hospital.. check
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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