i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
