You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
North Korea, Best Korea!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
