My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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