your parents love me but you hate me
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
