i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
