Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
