New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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