dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
