Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
