i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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