I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize