wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
