i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize