Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
