its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You can't just leave with hair like that
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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