I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
