your thong is hanging out like whoa
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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