I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
