he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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