If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize