it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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