Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
