Yo dont text me then not text me
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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