I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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