I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
