I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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