Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
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