Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
